In the spirit of all of The DaVinci Code nonsense, I intend to debunk each and every myth in the critically acclaimed movie/book Finding Nemo. The parallels between the two books are overwhelming: they both appear in the fiction section of a bookstore!

Finding Nemo is poisoning America’s youth with false hopes and purports rather preposterous ideas that are threats to America’s moral fabric.

Warning: If you are rock solid in your aquatic idealism, this entry may be very disturbing. You have been warned.

MYTH #1: Fish can talk

Exhibit A: External Anatomy of a Fish

fish anatomy

No vocal cords here. Let’s look to Exhibit B:

more fish anatomy

Again, no vocal cords. What were the hypocrites at PIXAR thinking?

MYTH #2: Fish can read

dory can't read

Later in the movie, Dory (who is apparently Ellen Degeneres(!!!)—I’ll address that later), reads! Outrage!

Look, here’s something! ‘ESSS-CA-PE’! I wonder what that means. It’s funny, it’s spelled just like the word ‘escape’.

No matter what the left tells you, FISH CANNOT READ. Do not fall into the trap that the liberal media is setting. Think for yourself!

MYTH #3: Fish have cognitive abilities

The most disturbing fact of them all: PIXAR actually used human beings to substitute for Fish speaking.

After nights of in-depth research, I came across an original record of how this movie was made. With Myth 1 and Myth 2 already debunked, I’ll attempt to answer the obvious question on America’s mind: If the fish could not talk, what exactly were we watching in Finding Nemo?

The cracked crew at PIXAR used something called Voice Acting. They hired several actors/actresses to portray fish speaking! It is unclear how all of this works, but the cast allegedly speaks into a device called a microphone and has their voices recorded. The recordings are then synchronized with videos of aquatic life (which were supposedly made by a computer system) to bring them all to life.

Don’t believe the liberal media’s hype: Every aspect of Finding Nemo never EVER happened.

Up next in my Myth Debunking series:

  • Tupac Shakur Sighted at McDonald’s Parking Lot in Scranton, MO
  • Jesus apparently was NOT Jewish!
  • Deficit spending doesn’t really hurt us in the long term

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6 Responses to Finding NEMO – MYTHS DEBUNKED!

  1. Clayton says:

    Trust me, there will be people who beleive the Da Vinci Code.

    I’m just wanting to debunk the false!

  2. I wouldn’t mess with 2Pac if I were you. You just don’t go there…

  3. rickp says:

    While I do sincerely appreciate the satyrical nature of the post, and the effort that obviously went into it, AND while I think the backlash against the DaVinci Code has gone a bit far, there are some dissonance within your simile here.

    The (admittedly biased, since it’s a Christian group, but who else is going to gather data on the beliefs of Christians?) Barna group has released figures stating that the beliefs of over 2 million people regarding Christianity have been affected by the book, and likely even more people will see the movie and believe it, because if you see it in the movies or on the internet… it’s gotta be true.

    But, the negative impact on beliefs regarding Christianity aside, I heard someone speaking the other day on the radio who happens to be a Christian, but whose profession is that of a professor of History at Harvard or Stanford… one of those schools that ends with that sound. His reason for outrage was the damage this movie will do to the beliefs of the multitudes of completely IGNORANT Americans (and people from other countries too, I’m sure, but let’s focus on Americans) from a historical perspective. At the beginning of the book, even though it is fiction, Dan Brown states that there are some number of facts, I think it was 3, which prove to be non-factual (I wish I could find the actual text but don’t have the book on me atm). He states these things as fact sort of in a “I know this is a fiction book, but you gotta know that at LEAST these things are true” way; the problem is, those things are not true. Then he builds on those things in order to completely rewrite the actual historical records of events; how many people are actually going to know, or go out and read now, the records of events as they actually happened? I imagine very few. Most people will just accept that Constantine was a reluctant convert, forced to become a Christian on his deathbed rather than the fact that he was a Christian for QUITE some time, converted the Holy Roman Empire WHILE he was alive, gave a TON of resources to the church, and was a turning point in history because he was the first Emporer to embrace Christianity.

    I’m not saying fiction cannot have fun with some facts… but have you ever seen a World War 2 work of fiction where the Nazis win, and at the beginning of the book states that there are a couple known facts such as “The US is and always has been a property of Japan, JFK was really George Washington’s brain implanted in a body made of tofu, and Hitler was a peaceful person who never ordered the killing of a single Jew”? Historical fiction NECESSARILY goes along with the actual known facts and keeps the entire BACKGROUND the same, while just having fun with the characters in the foreground (Saving Private Ryan, Troy, etc). Dan Brown has even said, I believe it was to USA Today, that he started out expecting to disprove the DaVinci Code, but has since become a believer… Those are not the words of a man regarding something he believes to be a work of fiction and wishes to present that way.

    He has offered about 20% fact, 80% fiction (granted that is a quote from someone and I’ve not done the actual % counting myself), has then claimed at the beginning of his book that certain things are fact that are not, then has gone out in public proclaiming his belief in the factual nature of his fictional work, and then inside the book he rewrites history as recorded even by secular sources. I enjoyed the book quite a bit, and will likely see the movie because I am well-grounded in my beliefs and know that the whole thing is a work of fiction (the humor alluded to by your satire) but there are evidently a LOT of people who either have had their faith broken or changed, OR more frequently who feel they’ve had their thoughts regarding Christianity supported by this book that CLEARLY isn’t all fiction (sarcasm is tough online).

    I personally think there is an over-reaction but I really am disappointed in the education systems here in this country, if that many people knew so little of history and were so unmotivated to look into it, that they accepted Dan Brown’s account wholly as truth. That is where the danger lies, and where people are over-reacting. I honestly hope some people see the movie, read the book, etc and decide to REALLY investigate the historical resources out there; while it is a leap of faith to believe the claims of the Bible, much more faith is required to believe that it is all, or in any part, a hoax or sham. So, maybe some good will come of the movie.

  4. clayton says:

    what rick said …

  5. Sarah says:

    yo, finding nemo freak, get a life… its a kids movie and no one actually thinks fish talk

  6. Kelli says:

    Yo, Sarah…

    If you think the “finding nemo freak” was trying to prove that fish don’t talk… then you missed the whole point!

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